It's Bonfire Night, which means fireworks, gunpowder conspiracies, and Ashley Jensen being wonderfully grumpy in the Shetland Isles. Perfect humpday viewing, basically.

Table of Contents

Quick Picks: Tonight's Best

Early Evening: Pre-Watershed Comfort

The Repair Shop - BBC One, 8pm

Jay Blades and the gang are back fixing treasured family heirlooms. You know the drill by now - someone brings in a broken music box that belonged to their gran, there's a bit of woodwork wizardry, some tears, and we all feel a bit better about the world. It's comfort telly at its finest, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Location, Location, Location - Channel 4, 8pm

Kirstie and Phil help house-hunters navigate the nightmare that is the UK property market. Watching other people stress about mortgage rates and dodgy kitchen extensions whilst you're safely on your sofa with a cuppa? That's the dream. Plus, you get to judge people's terrible taste in bathroom tiles.

Coronation Street - ITV1, 8pm

The cobbles never disappoint. Someone's lying, someone's having an affair, and someone's probably about to get hit by a tram. If you're not already watching, you're missing out on the UK's finest melodrama.

Prime Time: The Serious Stuff (9pm onwards)

⭐ Shetland - BBC One, 9pm

Ashley Jensen's back as DI Ruth Calder, and thank goodness for that. After the Douglas Henshall years (no shade, he was brilliant), Jensen's brought fresh energy to the windswept isles.

The new series kicks off tonight, which means moody landscapes, knitwear that could survive a nuclear winter, and murders that somehow feel more civilised than Midsomer. There's something about Scottish crime drama that just hits different - maybe it's the accents, maybe it's the scenery that makes you want to book a cottage holiday immediately despite knowing you'd freeze your arse off.

If you've never watched Shetland before, don't stress about catching up on seven series. Each story's fairly standalone, though the character relationships do build. Just know that everyone's complicated, the weather's miserable, and someone's always hiding something behind their net curtains.

The Gunpowder Plot: Lucy Worsley Investigates - BBC Two, 9pm

Talk about perfect scheduling. Lucy Worsley unpacking the whole "remember, remember" thing on actual Bonfire Night? Someone in the BBC scheduling department deserves a raise.

Worsley's one of those historians who makes you care about stuff you definitely didn't pay attention to in school. She dresses up, she gets into character, and she asks the questions nobody else bothers with - like what actually happened to Guy Fawkes after they caught him, and was the whole thing a setup from the start?

It's proper detective work applied to history, and it's way more engaging than it sounds. If you're stuck with the kids tonight because fireworks got rained off, this'll at least teach them something between the chocolate and sparklers.

The Hack - ITV1, 9pm

ITV's Wednesday night crime slot has given us some crackers over the years, and The Hack's no exception. It's got that gritty, journalistic edge that makes you wonder how much is based on real investigations (probably more than they'll admit).

The show follows a crime reporter who gets too close to the stories she's covering - classic setup, but when it's done well, it works. Expect moral grey areas, dodgy contacts in car parks, and that constant question of whether exposing the truth is worth the cost.

If you're choosing between this and Shetland, go Shetland. But if you've got it recording or you're up for a double bill, The Hack's solid.

Grand Designs - Channel 4, 9pm

Kevin McCloud's back on the Wirral to see how that ambitious build turned out. You know how these revisits go - either the couple's living in architectural bliss and everything's roses, or they're divorced and the house is leaking.

There's something deeply satisfying about watching other people's building disasters unfold. The budget's always three times what they planned, there's always a surprise with the foundations, and Kevin's always got that look on his face that says "I told you this was mental" whilst being too polite to actually say it.

This one's perfect if you fancy something lighter than murder mysteries but more substantial than reality TV fluff.

Late Night: For Night Owls

Winterwatch 1963: The Big Freeze - BBC Four, 9pm

BBC Four doing what BBC Four does best - niche nature documentaries that nobody asked for but turn out to be brilliant. This one's about the winter of 1963, when Britain basically froze solid for three months.

If you like your documentaries served with a side of nostalgia and zero drama, this is your jam. Archive footage of frozen rivers, people skating to work, and wildlife just trying to survive. Oddly soothing viewing for a Wednesday night.

Old School - BBC Three, 9.30pm

BBC Three's late-night comedy slot tends to be hit or miss, but Old School's been getting decent buzz. It's one of those "fish out of water" setups - somebody's gone back to education later in life, cue generational misunderstandings and awkward moments.

Worth a watch if you're still up after everything else, though honestly, you'd be fine catching it on iPlayer tomorrow morning with your coffee.

If You're Not Into Crime Drama

The Transporter - Film4, 9pm

Jason Statham before he became JASON STATHAM. The film that launched a thousand identical action franchises, but the original's still got that scrappy charm. Ridiculous car chases, dodgy accents, and absolutely zero interest in physics or logic.

It's daft as a brush, but if you want your brain switched off after a long day, this'll do the job. Plus, that fight scene where he uses pedals as weapons? Still ridiculous, still entertaining.

Married at First Sight UK - E4, 9pm

Look, sometimes you don't want murder or history or expensive building failures. Sometimes you want to watch strangers who've made questionable life choices navigate the aftermath whilst you shout at the telly. That's MAFS, and it's glorious trash.

No judgment here - we've all got our guilty pleasures, and this one comes with excellent Twitter commentary.

What's on Streaming

Film4: The Transporter at 9pm - see above for why Statham kicking people is exactly what Wednesday needs.

BBC Three: Old School at 9.30pm, followed by whatever comedy chaos they've got lined up.

ITV2: Big Brother continues its chaos at 9pm if you're fully committed to the reality TV life.

The Viewing Schedule Table

Time Channel Programme What's It About?
8:00pm BBC One The Repair Shop Jay Blades fixes treasured family heirlooms
8:00pm Channel 4 Location, Location, Location Kirstie and Phil's property adventures
8:00pm ITV1 Coronation Street The cobbles deliver peak drama
9:00pm BBC One Shetland Ashley Jensen solves murders in the isles
9:00pm BBC Two The Gunpowder Plot: Lucy Worsley Investigates History detective work on Bonfire Night
9:00pm ITV1 The Hack Crime reporter getting too close to stories
9:00pm Channel 4 Grand Designs Kevin McCloud's Wirral revisit
9:00pm Film4 The Transporter Statham kicks things, drives fast
9:00pm E4 Married at First Sight UK Relationship chaos continues
9:00pm BBC Four Winterwatch 1963: The Big Freeze When Britain froze for three months
9:30pm BBC Three Old School Late-night comedy about education

Final Verdict

Shetland's the clear winner tonight - Ashley Jensen's bringing her A-game and those windswept Scottish vibes are unbeatable. Lucy Worsley's Gunpowder Plot doc is perfect for Bonfire Night, and if you fancy something lighter, Grand Designs will give you that satisfying mix of architectural ambition and mild schadenfreude. Not the strongest Wednesday ever, but there's enough here to keep you off your phone for a few hours.